Traditional thinking has been that size really doesn’t matter. (”It’s not the size of the wand; it’s the magic with which you wave it.”) Although many suspect this is the kind of logic men with small penises have, it really is true regarding the sexual enjoyment of both the male and his partner.

The vaginal diameter can stretch from zero (most of the time the walls are collapsed together) to huge (about the time junior’s head passes through). With this adaptability, it makes sense that female partners report no difference in either pleasure or discomfort in men they judge to have larger or smaller penises.

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Women perceive essentially no sexual stimulation anywhere in the vagina except in the third that is closest to the exterior. Assuming even the smallest penis will reach one-third of the way in, no man should feel unfit. In fact, most women get more stimulation in the clitoris, which is outside the vagina entirely. Any man incapable of reaching the clitoris is simply not trying.

It is widely assumed that race or ethnicity defines penis size. The second half of this assumption that many people have is that white men have smaller flaccid penises that simply enlarge more during erection, evening the playing field when it really counts.

Because of the controversial - and trivial - nature of the question, we’ll probably never get a good scientific study on racial differences in penis size. The only research reporting any indication that black men have larger penises is the British Flat Condom Study. Only 14 percent of white men found the condoms too small, whereas 38 percent of black men did. Indirect evidence, but about all there is beyond locker-room humor.

However, the medical literature has remarkably little documentation of normal penile length. Urology textbooks don’t even acknowledge that anyone would care to know. The earliest known report on penis size was in 1879, when Krause concluded average erect length was SV4 inches. The scant research available more recently indicates Krause’s eyes were bigger than his topic really was. Or maybe penises were bigger back then - when men were men. More recent studies show the average length of the erect male penis to be almost five inches.

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Brazilian urologists in the nineties presented a study on the topic at the American Urological Association (AUA) Annual Meeting. These adventurous physicians determined average erect length to be 5.7 inches (ranging from 3.5-7.5 inches) in Brazil. I joined hundreds of other inquiring urological minds attending this presentation to witness the unveiling of cutting-edge data. We expected their findings to finally answer the big question.

However, we neglected to take into account that most urologists are males. Instead of a spirited intellectual debate, the only meaty discussion involved a group of French urologists demanding that, had the study been performed in France, the measurements would have been much larger. Boys - even grown urologists gathered for the world’s largest gathering of urological minds - will be boys. The Great French-Brazilian Penis War was the highlight of that year’s convention.

The Kinsey study on sexual behavior was one of three that asked men to measure and report their own penis size. Their most significant finding was that men lie about the size of their penises. Really.

We have even less information about girth. The World Health Organization did its own study because of complaints by British men that government-approved condoms were too tight. The British standard requires the condom to measure 52 mm (about 2 inches) wide when placed flat on a table. They found over one-third of the penises in Britain didn’t fit. Maybe that will quiet the French once and for all.

The sixteenth-century Indian book of love, the Kama Sutra, describes three kinds of men based on penis size. Hares are defined as having penile length of six fingers. Bulls are eight fingers long, Stallions twelve. We must assume the fingers are side-by-side, not lengthways.